Wednesday, April 23, 2008

How To Clothe A Kenyan In Two Months



Dear Daddy Likey,

My boyfriend is a Kenyan who loves his clothes. He lives in Kenya, and is a poor NGO worker with virtually no clothing budget. I'm going to visit him in two months, and he asked me to bring him brown boots and a new pair of jeans. Although I love reading your blog, I'm not a big shopper, so I thought you might be able to point me in the right direction for some awesome boots and jeans that are great quality and look amazing on my uber-hot boyfriend (and hopefully won't break the bank for me!). Can you help?

Signed,
How To Clothe A Kenyan in Two Months


Dear How To Clothe A Kenyan,


My dad is one of those people who, if questioned about his ethnic heritage, will regale you for hours with stories of his ancestry. "But my great great grandparents were Scotch-Irish-Mexican," he'll say, "and ay caramba, if they ever met a potato haggis burrito they didn't like!"

What does this have to do with your stylish boyfriend, you may ask? Well, by the time my dad finishes building these verbal family trees, he has claimed roots in basically every country in the world. One day, I swore I heard a fleeting mention of Kenya (OK, OK, it
might have been "Black Irish," but still), and informed my mom, who thought this was hilarious, because my dad is arguably the whitest man alive. Now, in addition to "Big White" and "Mildly Peeved Dog," his stable of nicknames includes the simple but effective "The Kenyan."

So basically, I feel extraordinarily qualified to answer your question. My Kenyan father's go-to outfit includes Carhartt dungarees, suspenders, and a witty message tee...so actually that doesn't help at all. Damnit.

My dad is one sassy Kenyan.

Let's start over. I believe your man is in dire need of some Frye boots. Frye boots are the best things ever invented (take that, iPhone! Or, like, lightbulb...). They are sex-ay and durable and versatile. Unfortunately, buying them at full price may cause your bank account to go all Bear Stearns on you (Ooohhhhh!! Too soon?), so I suggest you start an Ebay search for a used pair.

This is a good idea for two reasons:
1. They will be hella cheap.

2. Like a fine wine or the movie
Cradle 2 the Grave, Frye boots only get better with age. Therefore, your boyfriend won't have to take time off from saving the world to break them in. The world needs a lot of saving right now, so this is a huge plus.

Here's a pair of Frye motorcycle boots (my personal favorite style for guys) for $25:

Unfortunately, this particular auction is ending in five hours, but you get the idea. I'm sure if you search "Frye Men's Boots" a few more times in the next couple weeks, your diligence will pay off.

As for the jeans, I've gotta be kind of boring here and recommend good ol' Levis. My non-Kenyan boyfriend has a couple pairs that he's worn nearly every day for two years, and they still look great.


Here, a model deftly displays the perfect pairing of Levis and brown boots:

I personally love a dark wash with some fading like this, but as long as you stay away from the powder-blue tapered style favored by my 9th grade biology teacher, Mr. Beeson, you should be fine (while you're at it, maybe stay away from Mr. Beeson's whole look--those eyeball-magnifying coke bottle glasses were quite disconcerting as well). Look for a slim bootcut to accommodate his hott new boots.

Levi's are available everywhere, but they're often plentiful on those delightful Macy's clearance racks where it's 75% off the original 40% off with an extra 50% off and so on until you take your purchase to the counter and they're like, "We owe you five dollars for these jeans."

Buy yourself an Orange Julius with the profits. You deserve it.

Anyone else have suggestions for affordable brown boots? And while we're at it, what are your favorite kind of jeans on a guy?



No comments: